Point of No Return

I must confess. I had been thinking about this for most of the afternoon. The rising stress of anticipation of knowing what was about to happen. Oh, it wasn’t going to be the first time either. I’d crossed that threshold before so I knew what to expect, how things went down the last time and the regret I felt when it was over. But the more I thought about it, I better I understood that there would be no hesitation, and no turning back.

The time was dragging, minutes seemed like hours, daylight finally turned to night and when the moment arrived, I just surrendered whatever inhibitions I thought might make me hesitate……and just turned myself loose. There was no one around that could change my mind once the whole thing started…….slowly at first and then the fever hit. In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out. Perspiration beading up on my forehead and running down the center of my back. The heat was on. Faster, faster, faster, and even faster. I could hear nothing else, see nothing else. Then, ever so suddenly, it was over and done with. I pulled that spoon out of my mouth for the final time, looked down at the plate and it dawned on me. The chili was all gone and there was nothing left on my plate to eat. What a wild ride! I was stuffed, exhausted and sweating (a little too much sriracha sauce) but totally satisfied just as I was the last time I cooked this. I guess I’ll go put the plate in the sink and put up the leftovers. Message to myself……must choose a smaller plate next time so that less will seem like more.