Smoke it..

Let’s be honest. Cigarettes and the manufacturing of all tobacco products provides tens of thousands of jobs all across these United States and other parts of the world. It pays the bill, puts food on the table, beer in the fridge, new cars in the driveway, marijuana in the bong, and pays for vacations to exotic destinations all over the world. That’s a good thing, right?

But why stop there? It’s arguable, I suppose but undeniable that the smell of cigarette is often thought to be offensive to non-smokers but of no issue with smokers. Second hand smoke. Respiratory issues by association and proximity. And it didn’t cost you a dime. Choose to smoke and somewhere down the road, you will suffer the health consequences of tobacco use, be it lung cancer or something related, COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and the list goes on and on. It’s more a matter of when than if. These are just a few of the more widely known diseases that affect and eventually will claim the lives of smokers. But hey, there’s an upside to this! It’s all a matter of perspective anyway, isn’t it? Why dwell on the negative when we can talk about some of the positive things that result from you choosing to smoke (if you do). And I’m sure there will be many things that I will forget to include. So…just off the top of my head, let’s begin. You smoke, you flip your cigarette butts out the window and help provide employment for those who have to clean up the mess it makes. I’m sure you’ve noticed it everywhere you go. The bums and street people pick up some of your cigarette butts and smoke the rest of it so it provides free cigarettes to them. A plus. More smokers equal more sick people. More sick people spell more business for the doctors and countless others who’s businesses benefit at some point from it. More jobs kept and new jobs created as hospitals expand and get fancier. Pharmaceutical companies pump out the pills to treat those sick people and the doctors are never hesitant to write those prescriptions. You might say that there’s a business partnership between cigarette companies and pharmaceutical companies that make medicine to treat respiratory illnesses. Pharmaceutical Sales Reps keep the doctors supplied with free samples to hand out to their patients. Here, take this. It’s free. Spread it around, doc. Yes, and there’s more where that came from. Never mind the side effects of the medication. After all, the FDA approved it for distribution and determined it was “safe enough”. The medication treats the symptoms, but doesn’t the body heal itself? For the side effects, (and there will always be side effects), hey, don’t worry because there’s something else you can take for it. Keep smoking. No need to stop. You are helping the economy and providing someone else a job. So do your part. Survive as long as possible because when you go, your contribution to the economy ends and someone else will have to pick up the slack.

So you say you’ve been smoking for years, you have a chronic cough, you’re hacking up a lung’s worth of phlegm every morning, wheezing uncontrollably and you can’t walk from one side of the room to the other without feeling like you’re going to pass out from a shortness of breath. Don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine. Take these pills and they will help compensate for what your lungs are no longer able to do on their own. We’ll put you on oxygen to help. You can drag a tank around with you (or a portable O2 concentrator)if you have to go somewhere. Or connect yourself to a stationary O2 concentrator at home that will run 24/7 and give you oxygen through a 50-ft. length of tubing and a nasal cannula stuck up your nose. Just a minor inconvenience, right? Doesn’t even mean you have to quit smoking. Did you know that the nicotine in cigarettes could affect the quality of your sleep? No problem. Prescription sleep aids are only a phone call away. Demand goes up……suppliers must answer. Got a problem? There’s a pill solution. More money, more money, more money! And more jobs.

So, you want a “safer” alternative because you know how cigarettes and tobacco products, in general, can be bad for you? How about vaping? It’s safe isn’t it? Or at least safer, you’ve heard. Sure it is! There can’t be any harmful chemicals in that flavorful mixture you’re putting in that pipe. No side effects. No risk to your health. It’s FDA approved, isn’t it? So, just enjoy. So many different flavors to choose from! And cheaper than cigarettes, as well. Rest easy in the knowledge that your vaping is securing the jobs of so many people and helping to strengthen the economy, in general. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?

Light it up and keep America strong (and coughing)!